38 Weeks! Almost there!

38 Weeks!

How far along? 38 weeks and so ready to be done!
Size of Baby: Approx.17-20 inches, or the size of a watermelon
Total weight gain/loss:  +26 pounds
Gender: Girl!!
Maternity Clothes? Oh definitely!
Sleep? Not so good. Waking up every 2 hours to pee is not very fun.
Best Moment of the Week? Finishing some freezer meals, canning with my mom and sisters, and getting to hold our friends' new twins!
Miss Anything? I miss being able to move like a normal person and pee like a normal person! haha :)
Movement? Even though she is pretty cramped in there, she still moves a ton!
Food Cravings?  Sweets! Especially starbursts and milkshakes!
Sick or Queasy? Nope!
Showing? Obviously!
Belly button In or Out? It's kind of out on top and flat on bottom! haha Although, it pokes out all the way when I laugh or have a full stomach!
Wedding Ring On or Off? Off
Looking Forward to? Her being here already!! I am so anxious to hold her and so ready to have my body back! As of our most recent appointment, I was 1 cm dilated and 60% effaced! So we're getting close, I hope!

DIY Projects for Baby's Nursery!

After I quit my day job in January and started a new job working nights, I found I had a lot of time on my hands to work on some crafty things. So Reyes and I started some projects for baby's nursery! I am so excited about how they turned out and Baby's nursery is really coming together! So I thought I would share!

The first thing we worked on was a zoo! I found this idea on Pinterest and we decided to create it. 

There were no instructions on how to build the zoo, so Reyes drew out the plan and we bought the supplies!

My dad helped us a lot on this project!

Built without paint!

I collected stuffed animals when I was little and have been saving them for my future kids. Also, during the last almost six years Reyes and I have been together, he has given me stuffed animals for almost every occasion. So the zoo is now holding a mix of them totaling to 67 stuffed animals!

Our next project was a dresser!

Before! (Drawers to the left)

After sanding!

We started these projects before we knew we were having a little girl, so we tried picking gender neutral colors.

The finished project!

Next, I worked on the crib!

Right is before, left is after sanding!

Unfortunately I didn't get any "during" pics, but here is the finished product!

Finally, my last project was a rocking chair!

Before!

Mom helped me a ton on this project!

Sanded!

Painted!

Finished product!

The cushions are reversible!

These projects took me probably about 1-2 months and only cost about $160 bucks! We were very blessed to get the rocking chair, dresser, and crib for free from friends and family. The supplies for the zoo, sandpaper, paint, and fabric are the only things we payed for. Thanks to many people for helping us out, baby girl's nursery is almost complete!

28 Weeks!

How far along? 28 weeks! Finally in the third trimester! :)
Size of Baby: Approx. 15-17 inches, or the size of an eggplant
Total weight gain/loss:  +19 pounds
Gender: Girl!!
Maternity Clothes? yes! I am especially enjoying my maternity swimsuit! It is so dang hot outside and our pool is my favorite place to be!
Sleep? Definitely getting less comfortable and baby girl likes to move most when I am trying to fall asleep
Best Moment of the Week? Reyes was able to feel her move for 10 minutes straight one night! He was so excited and couldn't stop laughing at the weird movements she was making! Definitely a moment I will always remember!
Miss Anything? I miss sleeping on my stomach
Movement? Lots and lots! It's my favorite part of being pregnant!
Food Cravings?  Nothing demanding, but I've really been enjoying watermelon and jolly ranchers.
Sick or Queasy? Nope!
Showing? Ohhh yes!
Belly button In or Out? In, but getting pretty shallow! I'm really hoping I don't get an outie!
Wedding Ring On or Off? On 
Looking Forward to? Our baby prep classes at the hospital! We just signed up today!

19 Weeks! Gender Guesses??

This was taken at 15 weeks, but it is the most recent picture I have!

How far along? 19 weeks! Just about halfway there!
Size of Baby: Approx. 6 1/2 inches, or a small cantaloupe
Total weight gain/loss:  +3 pounds
Gender: We find out on Monday! So anxious!
Maternity Clothes? Maternity pants yes! I go back and forth between maternity tops and regular ones.
Sleep? Besides waking up to go to the bathroom, sleep is good!
Best Moment of the Week? Getting baby's room set up!
Miss Anything? I miss not feeling bloated. Also, I miss not having so many food aversions. I haven't been able to eat tomatoes, citrus fruits, milk, or spicy foods without getting acid reflux. Or oatmeal without gagging.
Movement? Still not strong enough for Reyes to feel, but I can tell this baby adores his/her daddy already! Most days I don't feel much movement until Reyes gets home, then Baby wiggles like crazy!
Food Cravings?  Not really! Bummer, huh? 
Sick or Queasy? Not anymore.
Showing? Yes! 
Belly button In or Out? In
Wedding Ring On or Off? On :)
Looking Forward to? The Gender Reveal on Monday!!

Sooo What do you think? Boy or Girl?? Here are some common Wive's Tales and what I am supposedly having according to them!
Heartbeat: 150 bpm.... Girl 
Daddy's Weight: Staying the same.... Boy
Breaking Out: Girl
Sleep on Left: Boy
Drano Test: Girl
Mayan Calendar: Boy
Chinese Calendar: Girl
Stealing Mom's Beauty: Girl
Mommy wants: Girl
Daddy wants: Boy
Any Guesses??

Change is the Most Constant Thing in Life!

It has been a crazy busy month or so! So many new changes and adjustments! 

First, we moved! We were so sad to leave the apartments and ward we were in, but the reason we moved was worth all of it. Reyes got his awesome job at the jail within 60 days of moving into the apartments and, little did we know, that wasn't allowed. Oops! But I would take way better pay and a step in the right direction toward his dream career over living in those apartments any day. So we packed up and have been living out of boxes at my parents' for a few weeks until we could find a new place... which looks like we will be moving again on Friday! I gotta say, I am SICK to death of boxes, packing tape, and trying to squeeze our lives into cardboard! So we are very relieved to be moving to our own place and finally having room to get things ready for Baby to come in October!

Also, Reyes got a new position in the jail! He sure is moving on up and I am so proud! He is going through some intense, but exciting new training which will last the next six months. I'm a little jealous that he is learning such fun new things like arrest tactics, take down skills, and shooting skills. I mean, how lucky do you have to be to get payed to go to a shooting range for two days? I keep telling him one of these days he is going to have to randomly take down my dad and use his new arrest skills! Reyes just smirks and rolls his eyes at me. :) Coming up in the next week, Reyes will get pepper sprayed and tasered. Apparently I'm not as sensitive as the other deputy's wives are because instead of responding with, "Oh I'm so sorry honey!", I said, "Make sure they video tape it for me!" :) I love when Reyes comes home at night and tells me every little detail about his day at work! He used to try to do the same thing when he worked at Golden Corral and I'm not gonna lie most of the time that was a snooze fest! Not too much exciting happening over there everyday. There are so many adjustments that come with becoming a law enforcement family, but so far we are enjoying the ride!

One of the reasons I get so excited when Reyes tells me about his day is because I don't have much going on in my life these days! Besides growing a human... Ya know, no big deal! :) The sweet little girl that I watched for almost two years moved away. It was so hard to say goodbye to her and her family. But the timing couldn't have been more perfect for us. I had time to pack us all up for the move and have been working on lots of projects for our little baby! I still work three nights a week and on Saturdays, but having free time during the day has been so nice, especially through morning sickness!

Reyes is getting close to finals for this semester and he has been so great about staying on top of his classes even when he comes home exhausted and sore from training. Summer classes are about to start for me and I have changed my major... AGAIN... for the fourth time! But I finally feel that I have found what I sincerely want to do and I had no hesitation switching to this major like I did with the others. My major is declared as Bilingual Elementary Education! I am so excited! I have always been slightly jealous of Reyes who has known exactly what he wanted to be since he was a little kid. Finding what I truly felt was right for me and my future family was quite the struggle for me. But this new major gives me the flexibility of working in any grade I want K-12, teaching any class I want in English or Spanish, and if I ever feel the need to home school my kids I will be able to teach them in both languages, which is something Reyes and I both want our kids to learn. The reason I am most excited is to finally be able to eventually speak fluent Spanish!! Reyes' parents and many of his extended relatives speak only Spanish. It has been a real struggle for me to be missing out on those relationships. I have learned to understand a lot of it, but still can't speak it very well without taking 20 minutes to formulate one sentence or resorting to just having Reyes translate for me. I anxiously yearn for the day that I can talk to my in laws and can teach my kids to do the same!

Anyway, that's what you missed in the last month or so! Stay tuned for more about our new little baby growing oh so quickly and about the projects I have been doing for him/her! Thanks!

Our Pregnancy/Miscarriage Story

Wow... almost nine months since we last updated the blog! So much has happened since then! The biggest thing that happened to us was our miscarriage in October. It has officially been three months since we found out we lost our sweet Baby A. 

So even though our pregnancy ended short, I would like to share our Pregnancy/Miscarriage story with you. I realize that this may be a bit touchy or personal for some people. Miscarriage is something that happens a lot more often than you would think. However, it is not a popular topic. People react differently to hardships. Some people decide to keep it very personal. Others are a little more open and willing to share about their experience. When I went through mine, I promised myself and God that I would use my experience to be able to better reach out to someone going through similar circumstances and to help others understand how to help as well. If I can help someone to feel a little less broken, misunderstood, or alone, I will do my best to do so. I believe that sharing my experience might do just that. People share stories about their birthing experience. Why not speak up about miscarriage?

From the very beginning, our pregnancy was a very spiritual experience. The decision to get pregnant was a very long process for us. We started praying about it about 5 months before we began trying. Reyes got his answer very quickly, but it took me months before I felt I had received my answer and was willing to listen to the answer God was giving me. Finally, we both felt spiritually ready and decided to start trying. 

At 3 1/2 weeks, we finally got a positive!! The weeks following were incredibly happy.. sharing the news with our family and friends, our first doctor's appointment where we got a picture of the first ultrasound, talking about names, laughing about weird cravings I got, Reyes kissing my belly and whispering "I love you little baby! Goodnight!" each night, only dealing with mild nausea and migraines, and having an excuse to eat all the time. Each day we were getting more and more excited to be parents!

 At about 9 weeks along, I felt different. I was no longer craving anything. No longer hungry all the time. No longer being nauseous or getting migraines. I was worried about the changes I was feeling. I was told that it was normal to stop being sick or tired by the time you got to the 2nd trimester. Still something felt... different but I decided to stay positive. I didn't say anything to anyone about my worries, not even Reyes, because I didn't want to jinx anything or scare anyone else. 

At 10 weeks, I went to the General Relief Society Conference for our church. I prayed that I would receive answers to my questions and feel comfort. Throughout the evening, I felt repeatedly "Make the decision TODAY that no matter what happens in the next year, you will CHOOSE God. If you do, you will find happiness." I went home and shared my impressions with Reyes and made a personal commitment that we would accept God's will no matter what. 

At 11 weeks, we had an appointment for a check up and to finally hear the heartbeat (Baby was too small at our first appointment to hear the heartbeat). As I sat on the table waiting, my heart was racing! I was so anxious! The doctor came in and decided she wanted to try hearing the heartbeat on the Doppler. She squeezed that warm gel on my belly and then searched for the heartbeat. Nothing. She kept searching, but still nothing. I could hear my own heartbeat in my ears. She told us that it was normal to not always be able to find the heartbeat on the Doppler because sometimes the baby is still too small. So she left the room to see if the ultrasound tech was available to do an ultrasound for us. As she left, Reyes and I both looked at each other with teary eyes, but still clung onto the hope of hearing the heartbeat in the ultrasound.

 In the ultrasound room, I once again lay on the table and waited. Our baby looked so cute! He/she had sprouted little nubby arms and legs. We could see the profile of the face. We admired our little baby in silence while the ultrasound tech took tons of pictures from different angles. The whole time the tech was silent, until she finished the pictures. Once she finished, she heavily sighed and said, "I have some really really bad news." She directed us to the screen and said, "This is where we should see the baby's heartbeat pulsing, but unfortunately there is nothing beating. You're supposed to be 11 weeks along, but Baby measures smaller. He or she stopped growing at 8 weeks." Tears welled up in my eyes as lay on the table in shock. My hand found Reyes' hand and I could feel him shaking. We tried hard to keep ourselves together while the doctor spoke to us. She explained that it wasn't my fault, something had just gone wrong. She described ways to carry out the miscarriage. We could let my body miscarry naturally, have surgery to "scrape everything out", or I could take pills to "force my body to contract to release everything". Each description seemed cruel and heartless. We chose to let my body miscarry naturally. It seemed the best way to let our baby leave this world gently and respectfully. I was determined that if my body could create and carry a baby, it could also miscarry on its own. 

The next week unfolded slowly. You know in movies when the person is sadly wandering in slow motion through a crowd and everything is a blur? That's basically how it felt. Confused, heartbroken, blurry, lost. We faced the unbearable challenge of calling family and friends, crying literally day and night, waking up from nightmares, forgetting the responsibilities of work and school, trying to come up with any reason why this may have happened, and waiting painfully for my body to physically lose the baby. But then Reyes and I remembered the promptings I had received that night at the Relief Society General Conference meeting. I felt so incredibly blessed that I had attended that meeting and that God had taught me EXACTLY what I needed a week before I needed it most. I knew God was preparing us and watching over us. We had to stop asking why. Instead we needed to accept God's will for us. We had to choose God. 

A few days later, we returned to the doctor for a checkup. I still had not miscarried the baby physically. The doctor was concerned and again told us about the other two options. Reyes and I made the decision that it was probably safest for me to have the baby and all other tissues removed surgically. The days leading up to the surgery were difficult. I had never had surgery before and I was scared. The doctor also warned us that as I came out of the anesthesia it was normal for me to have an extreme emotional reaction. But Reyes would not be allowed to see me until I was awake and completely stable. I was scared to death to be alone through all of this, waking up by myself knowing my baby was officially gone. 

On the day of the surgery, each nurse and doctor was so kind to me. They helped me stay calm. The last thing I remember is being strapped down to the table and covered in warm blankets, staring up at the bright lights above me. Next thing I knew, I was waking up in a different room. As I slowly became more and more awake, I felt the most incredible feeling. I was at peace.  Even though I knew that I was no longer carrying my precious baby and the only person standing by me was a nurse I had never met, I felt more surrounded by love than I ever had. I felt as if God was holding me, comforting me and I knew that He was holding my angel too. In the one moment in my life that I should have felt the most alone, I felt closer to God than I ever had. I realized that God never leaves us. We may choose to leave Him, but He will never pull away from us. His arms are always open. We can always come back to Him.

 The weeks and months that followed continued to be difficult including a trip to the ER, bed rest, messed up hormones that caused me and still cause me to have an emotional breakdown at the drop of a hat, chaos trying to get back into the rhythm of school and work, figuring out how this changes my relationship with Reyes, the ongoing battle in myself to be happy and feel normal again, frustration with people who didn't seem to understand, and so on. But even through the difficulties, we were still being blessed. Each day I was able to see God's hand in my life, whether it was a friend buying me a new loofah, family giving us a cheerful gift basket, a beautiful sunrise, a talented friend providing Aroma Touch Therapy sessions, a letter in the mail from an empathetic mom, friends waiting for us at the hospital, the perfect song coming on the radio, uplifting messages shared with us, a sincere prayer and tight hug from an uncle, new friends coming into our lives who understood, finding out and being able to visit where the hospital buried our baby in a memorial garden, and so much more.

Every day gets easier, but the pain of losing our child will never fully go away. 

Every day is a choice. 
We can choose God. 
We can choose to see the good. 
We can choose to share it with others. 

Or not. 

It's your choice.